Maldives

Whenever work gets you down, do two things. Find a subordinate sufficiently lower down the food chain and smack his teeth. Then lie back, close your eyes and think of picture-postcard islands. Try to visualise some tiny islands just above sea level that will disappear altogether if a large tourist dive-bombs into the water. Think searing heat, humidity, sand drilled right through with pesky critters all making a beeline for your haemorrhoids and a large hotel bill in US dollars, with more zeroes than your calculator can manage.

If this isn't heaven, all you need to do is add Pamela Anderson to the picture and add a few more zeroes to the bill. If your wife catches you, she'll smack your teeth. Because you should be picturing her looking like Anderson awaiting something big from you. The diamond will add more zeroes, but who's counting?

The queen of picture-postcard getaways is the Maldives. This collection of 1192 eye-popping islands is a true-blue escape. Buy a wallet-humbling $US500-a-night ($660-a-night) package and spend the first of your three nights housed at the airport hotel. Flights tend to arrive in the wee hours when speedboats and seaplane transfers are not in service. Arriving in the dark simply heightens expectations, because in the morning you can throw open those curtains, gather your kids around you, and marvel at the tail ensign of Qatar Airways. If your eyes are misting over at this point, wipe your spectacles, and turn off the airconditioner.

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